Blassie, part 1

Hey Blassie. Saw your “date me manifesto” awhile back and wanted to introduce myself.

Let me get a few things out of the way first. I’m a bit over your age range, although my smart watch says my fitness age is 42. I’m 5’10", and by that I mean truly and legitimately 5'10", but likely look nothing like your physical type. I did meet Will Arnett once, very briefly, and he was cool. My hair was originally dark brown but went grey very early as is common with men in my family. I keep it short in the summer and longer in the winter, but that’s negotiable. Ethnically I am half black and half white. 23andme said I was only 30% black, but dominant genes dominate. Take a look at my photo, and in the meantime, I’ll tell you a bit more about me and why I’m interested. Also, if there’s a dog in any photos I share, she is not mine - I dogsit for a friend a few times per year.

A brief story. I dated a crazy half-latina for a few years. The highs were high – I can still recall a friday afternoon many summers ago, eating a carnitas burrito, drinking two margaritas and walking around the city. The sky was newborn baby blue, the city was hot, brown and red and full of denormalized noise. As we walked in and out of stores, sat on random benches and people watched, constantly laughing and sweating,I thought to myself: this is the most fun I’ve ever had with a girl.

10 years earlier, I was living in suburban California and had a vivid daydream of living in a high-rise apartment in the city. A beautiful bronze-skinned woman stood at my window and looked outward with her back arched and her fingertips on the glass, her butt sticking out in a white thong.

Now, 10 years later, I was living in South Philly and the daydream came to life, just in an apartment on the 2nd floor instead of the 20th, the city less big and bright, and the aforementioned half-latina’s thong bright pink instead of white. The universe always gives you what you ask for, but it’s never exactly what you thought it would be.

When I reflect on my past relationships, whether they ended with quiet tears or my tires slashed, I always say to myself: I should have taken better care of her.

This is a long winded way of saying that I believe it is time for me to have an eccentric latina in my life again. You feel so familiar to me, as if we’ve had vivid, passionate debates in a past life. But there is also something foreign, unknown and untouched about you, as if you could put together combinations of words that I’ve never heard before.

A few more details and logistics about me. I’ve lived in suburban Philadelphia since COVID hit. It’s a bit quiet, although I do have a small swimming pool that is great in the summer. I am strongly considering moving back into the city here, or up to NYC in the next 2 years, as I’m up there a lot for work these days. I often do have underlings in my work, as I’m a consultant who is given teams to direct for short periods of time. I’m writing a book that I’m releasing gradually plus a newsletter to promote it, both a bit dry and technical, but somehow, I have fans. I once spoke on a stage in front of 500 people – I felt fully depersonalized, like I was watching myself from both the past and future, looking outward from my skull into the audience while also perceiving myself from the audience back inward. But the crowd laughed throughout and clapped at the end, so something must have gone well. I’ll try it again sometime.

Now, let’s talk about you. I found your manifesto to be so charming, so funny and sweet. I read a thing once that said there are two types of women: nice girls pretending to be mean, or mean girls pretending to be nice. I always found that clever and mostly accurate, but in the end we’re all distributions of nice and mean that skew over time and need to be rebalanced. I would love for us to help each other rebalance in that regard – to reinforce where one is weak, indulge where the other is strong. I want to know your softer side, to stroke your hair, to worship the divine light that glows from your eyes, your smile, and your freshly painted toenails. And, I will take the bait – it would require the power of the ancients to remove my REDACTED from your REDACTED. With passion and conviction, knowing nothing but this present moment, as it extends backwards, forwards, and in dimensions unnamed. You are a bright and beautiful star, shooting across the sky with glowing, flourescent trails. We are all just a lucky, momentary audience.

Looking forward to our first dinner together, whether it’s next month, next year, or next lifetime. Reach out anytime.